


Seth and I Are Versatile

by raven_aorla



Category: Saturday Night Live, Saturday Night Live RPF, Weekend Update (SNL)
Genre: Aftercare, BDSM, Bi-Curiosity, Bisexuality, Blindfolds, Bondage, Character Study, Consensual Infidelity, Consent Play, Cuddles, Cute, Degradation, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Enthusiastic Consent, Established Relationship, Fluff, Food Kink, Gags, Happy Sex, Humiliation, Humor, Kink Negotiation, Lingerie, M/M, Male Homosexuality, Married Sex, Multi, Non-Sexual Age Play, Oral Sex, Orgasm Delay/Denial, Porn with Feelings, Praise Kink, Recreational Drug Use, Relationship Study, Riding Crops, Safe Sane and Consensual, Safeword Use, Safewords, Spanking, Switching, Threesome - F/M/M, Threesome - M/M/M, Tickling, Voyeurism, Wax Play, so cute
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-10-15
Updated: 2018-10-15
Packaged: 2019-08-02 15:55:32
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,894
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16308203
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/raven_aorla/pseuds/raven_aorla
Summary: As Stefon says, it’s all fun and games as long as we discussed beforehand whether anyone’s going to lose an eye, and what we’ll say/hum/gesture if we change our minds.After getting married, Stefon and Seth have a happy, extremely varied love life, and switch up who’s in charge. Here are sixteen kinks they’ve tried.





	Seth and I Are Versatile

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks again to butterscotch(finedae) for beta and encouragement.

B.C. (Before Cooper), while they’re not-dating, Seth figures out that like Stefon, he enjoys both topping and bottoming. He’s know since his teens that, also like Stefon, he enjoys both Domming and subbing. However, they don’t handle this information in the most organized or functional way. As if they do that with anything.

A.M. (After Marriage), though, they negotiate like real, healthily perverted grownups, and take turns nominating new kinks to consider. After the children come into their lives, they figure out how to work around their presence and needs, like they do with their dog. As Stefon says, it’s all fun and games as long as we discussed beforehand whether anyone’s going to lose an eye, and what we’ll say/hum/gesture if we change our minds.

1  
BONDAGE

When Stefon ties Seth up, he goes all artsy and craftsy with it, with soft pretty rope and intricate loops until Seth is as gorgeous and immobile as anything they might want to hang on a wall. He always takes a few photos before diving in.

Meanwhile, Seth isn’t good with rope and Stefon isn’t good with being still unless someone forces him. Shibari requires a long period of compliance before it’s too late to flail around enough to be a nuisance. He’s a jittery fidgety flibertigibbet, always has been, so what he really likes is when Seth slaps some handcuffs or zip ties on him, and a gag or blindfold or both, but almost never neither.

“You can’t move, can you?” Seth murmurs, checking his circulation.

“Mmm mm.” Stefon can move his fingers a bit, but everything else is completely at Seth’s mercy. Seth, who is stroking his hair with the hand not holding a riding crop and looks at him like he’s the whole world and part of the moon thrown in extra. He feels the nearly-constant choir of tuning forks whining inside of him go still, and smiles around the ball.

 

2  
IMPACT PLAY

“TwentysixthankyouSir!”

Stefon likes the sight of Seth with a riding crop just as much as the feel of it. The first few strikes to his ass and thighs are less fun, something he grits his teeth through as he counts aloud, but after nine or so it turns into adrenaline and sharp joy. Sometimes Seth is a sadistic bastard and makes him recite times tables and starts over if he gets them wrong, though no more than two or three times, otherwise Stefon gets loopy on the endorphins and Seth would have to keep going until he drew blood. Seth never draws blood, just bright colors. Afterwards, Stefon likes to grab a small mirror so he can get a good look at the bruises.

This kind of pain is a soft limit for Seth, not a hard one. It’s the sort of thing he doesn’t like for his own sake but will take a bit of to make Stefon happy. This is why he gets spanked on Stefon’s birthday, not his.

The exception is getting slapped in the face when Seth is intentionally being an insolent brat during a scene. That’s more about the dynamics than the actual sensation. He knows Stefon is pulling his punches, because of the time a guy groped Seth in a club and Stefon - only mildly tipsy and otherwise without any chemical alteration - smacked the guy so hard that Stefon still keeps his tooth as a creepy (but kind of sweet) trophy.

 

3  
LINGERIE

Seth always tapes his show in a suit. Stefon is allowed to pick his socks, but nothing else.

Sometimes Seth tapes his show in a suit, while underneath it he’s wearing an underbust corset, matching panties, a garter belt, stockings, and a lace-trimmed velvet choker that’s closed with a tiny padlock instead of a clasp. Unlike a leather or metal collar, he could get it off without the key in an emergency, but that would mean damaging it. Stefon chooses every single one of those things. And also his socks, which go over the real silk. Stefon wants the best for him.

_“Nylon’s melted plastic, and silk is dead worm shrouds. Obvious winner.”_

When Seth gets home, he’s allowed to take the suit off himself, but the rest doesn’t come off until Stefon wants it to.

It takes a few tries before they figure out how to get the corset tight enough so that Seth is going to be very aware of its presence, but loose enough that he doesn’t get out of breath when monologuing. Stefon ends up consulting with Melvin In a Dress, whose name is lazy but whose mentorship is not. The difficult part isn’t the breathing, once Stefon’s properly informed. The difficult part is trying not to be incredibly aroused all goddamn day.

 

4  
WAX PLAY

“I’m a human candle, and it hurts so good.”

Seth pushes the blindfold aside to make eye contact with him and says, very seriously, “I’m not lighting you on fire.” He’s never had to say something like that in a scene with anyone else, but this is Stefon, and he feels like he should just in case.

Blinking in the sudden light, Stefon pouts. “You’re no fun.”

The next drop directly hits Stefon’s right nipple, and he squeaks so cutely that Seth puts the non-human candle aside to make out with him.

 

5.1  
FOOD/TEMPERATURE PLAY

Stefon’s already secured Seth spreadeagled on the dining table, with a blanket between him and the wood to help him not get any colder. Being naked might be chilly enough. He’s blindfolded to maintain the element of surprise, but his mouth is free. Stefon’s got a whole bunch of spreads, candy, cheese, and fruit all laid out.

“This is like fondue but better,” Stefon says thoughtfully, taking a butter knife and drawing a Nutella daisy on Seth’s chest. He makes sure to feed Seth as he goes, and keeps him hydrated with surprise ice chips, some of which make a little journey over his skin first.

 

5.2  
NANTAIMORI

“This is like foodplay for Yakuza gangsters,” Seth says. He had to take a cold shower to keep from ruining the sushi, though Stefon’s put it all on thin pieces of paper as an extra precaution. “Or weeaboos with too much cash.”

“How do you know that word?”

“Taran Killam.”

“Are you calling yellow, or are you bratting?” Sometimes Stefon isn’t sure. He would never, ever, ever be mean to Seth for calling yellow.

“Bratting.”

“Bad boy, spoiling my dinner.” Stefon waves chopsticks at him. Seth gets to see this one, since it’s so nice-looking and it’d be a waste otherwise. They’re not planning on repeating this particular iteration. Too expensive and fussy. “Do you want a whole glob of wasabi as an appetizer? I didn’t think so.”

 

6  
SENSORY DEPRIVATION

Stefon agrees to try it, but he hates it. He hates hates hates HATES it and he gives it what turns out to be less than thirty seconds before he snaps his fingers on both hands, more times than necessary. It’s more dramatic than a coded hum.

Seth immediately removes the blindfold, gag, and the noise canceling headphones. He grabs the key to the cuffs next. “Red or Applebaum?” For them, yellow = pause, red = stop everything and let me out, and Applebaum = _stop, let me out, I am in undesirable pain or seriously triggered._

“Applebaum.”

So Seth gets him loose from the bondage and lightly wrapped in a blanket, with a sippy cup of prickly pear agua fresca to drink, and he doesn’t say anything for awhile, just holds him. Eventually he asks, “It’s okay if you don’t know why you hated that, but do you?”

Stefon laughs grimly. “You ever wonder why I used to do so many drugs?” He still does some now, but either legal things (like Ambien) or things that don’t worry Seth much (like weed, and the very occasional dose of molly one member of Seth’s fantasy football league distributes for his disreputable chemistry whiz little sister).

“Because you were addicted.” One of the few appreciative Seth has said about Anderson Cooper in the A.M. era is that he convinced Stefon to go to rehab. It was hard to argue with someone who's lost a loved one to a prescription drug going wrong. Though it’s wanting to keep Seth happy that’s making it (mostly) stick.

“But I got addicted in the first place because I don’t like the inside of my own head.”

This makes Seth look so sad that Stefon regrets saying it. “I shouldn’t have suggested it.”

“Hey, you like it, so you wanted me to have fun too.” Stefon maneuvers so he can kiss Seth’s earlobe. “I want to totally switch gears here. How about more wax?”

 

7  
VOYEURISM

While he has to be careful so that it doesn’t come across as a bribe to get on his show, Seth manages to arrange a few playdates for Stefon that he can watch from a chair in the corner. The level of actual sex or kink varies. On one end of the spectrum, Paul Rudd is only comfortable with a bit of kissing and mutual handjobs in his hotel room after a charity telethon they all did together, but it is still incredibly hot and Stefon talks about it long afterwards.

Closer to the other end of the spectrum, Stefon’s lawyer/friend Shy cheerfully visits them and rims a handcuffed Stefon until Stefon is tearful and begging, then gives him a condomed blowjob. While Stefon is exhaustedly cuddling him, he broaches the subject of re-selling pot to the couple at a steep discount. Shy’s Mistress lets him eat ass, suck dick, and sell drugs, but he’s not allowed to come with people other than her. He acts like his own erection is a barely noticeable inconvenience.

“Nice system you guys have,” Shy comments, holding the beer Seth fetches him after Seth is done getting himself off. Stefon’s using one of his bony thighs as a pillow instead of one of the many plump pillows in easy reach. “It’s very nice. Adventurous, but sweet. I love it.”

 

8  
(lack of) WATERSPORTS

“You don’t mean jet-skiing, do you,” Seth says flatly.

“Nope.”

“Hard limit.”

“Awwwwwww.” Stefon is clearly teasing, since neither of them would genuinely argue against a hard limit, but Seth kind of wants to smother himself with a napkin. Also, why did he have to ask this while they were having lunch, albeit at home?

“I said way back when that I was okay with semen and saliva when it comes to....bedroom body fluids...and nothing else.” Not counting if Stefon ever agrees to let someone with a vagina join them, but that’s a different conversation. “Ask your conceptual piss artist buddy. And I don’t want to see it.”

Stefon crunches a baby carrot like he’s Bugs Bunny but the props department got confused about the scale, like that scene in _This Is Spinal Tap_ with the accidentally miniature Stonehenge set. “Is this a bad time to tell you I made a refreshing pitcher of lemonade and was just about to offer you some?”

“Stefon!”

 

9  
THREEWAY: GUEST DOMME EDITION

Maybe it’s hypocritical that Seth likes watching Stefon have sex with certain people other than him, but Stefon can’t stand watching anyone even flirt with Seth. He doesn’t feel threatened by Amy Poehler, though. She’s had a million chances to hit that and hasn’t, not counting kissing him in front of cameras as a joke. She’s the one who gave Seth the push that led to him and Stefon being married to each other. She voices the personification of joy in a Disney movie and it’s the perfect casting.

It takes a lot of negotiation and coordination and figuring out work schedules, plus dogsitting, babysitting, and establishing whether the paparazzi have anything better to do than follow any of them around right then. They eventually join her in a hotel suite to give her pretty much whatever she wants for a few hours.

Stefon sings nonsense to himself as he’s giving Amy shoulder message, dressed in nothing but leather shorts. He doesn’t want to touch her anywhere between her waist and her knees, so they’ve decided it’s only fair if nobody touches him there too, not until Seth’s given her all the attention she wants and switches to taking Stefon’s cock for her viewing pleasure.

First, though, she gets naked Seth on a leash and straddling her lap, as he kisses and licks and bites and fondles and _adores_ her. She scratches deep grooves in his back and calls him things Stefon never expected to hear from her - slut, slave, desperate, needy, pretty little idiot - and Seth nuzzles the crook of her neck and calls her _perfect_. Stefon occasionally gives the leash a tug to improve Seth’s posture, which Amy rewards with a brief squeeze of Stefon’s free hand. She eventually pushes him off so he can go down on her. After her first orgasm, she stops Seth, but she's not done with the two of them. 

“Stefon, baby?” Amy flashes him a sweet smile, signaling that it’s time.

“Yes’m?”

“Hold him down while I ride him."

Stefon’s already manhandling him so he’ll be properly arranged on the bed, not that Seth is putting up much resistance. Seth looks too overwhelmed and grateful to say or do anything else. “Yes, ma’am!”

 

10  
THREEWAY: GUEST SUB EDITION

“I’m flattered, but I’m not gay.”

Seth’s leaning against the closed door of Colin Jost’s office. Colin was happy to see him once he was sure Seth wasn’t mad about the bit of flirting Stefon did when Weekend Update asked him back. His face started doing interesting things when Seth explained why he’s really here.

Knowing some of how Colin must feel, Seth says gently, “I wasn’t asking if you were gay. I was asking if you were interested. This is strictly between the three of us. It’s not an all-or-nothing thing. And we’re not looking for something epic. It’s something to try while you’re between stretches of monogamy. We won’t be upset if you say no, but after I nearly lost Stefon I’ve gotten tired of not speaking up when it comes to what I want. You’ve got my number. Just think about it, all right?”

He blushes. “Yeah. Uh, okay. I’ve got a lot of work -”

“Of course.”

It’s eleven days before Seth gets a text from Colin. _stefon is not really pregnant is he_

_No, that’s the mother of the baby we’ve agreed to adopt. He’s just really invested._

_not transphobic!_

_Didn’t say you were._  
_ok fine not totally straight either_

_Knew it. What did you do with Che?_

_fuck you :P_

_If you want. You kinky?_

A day later, Seth gets an actual phone call. The discussion begins.

Colin wants to do it at his place so that he’s in familiar territory. Seth and Stefon show up with an bottle of wine and a black satchel full of useful props and toys.

They play it like a mere social call at first, sitting around drinking and chatting. Then Colin suddenly leans over and kisses Stefon, a very light, tentative press of lips. He pulls back and looks at both of them, his face like he would flip out at an unkind word.

“What a good boy,” Stefon murmurs. He plants a much fiercer kiss on him, coaxing his mouth open until Colin lets him slip his tongue inside. Colin is brawnier than either of them, but he makes a soft noise and lets Seth experimentally takes hold of his wrists behind him as if he’s been overpowered.

Things escalate fairly smoothly after that. Seth has experience telling Colin what to do, and this isn’t the first time Stefon has knocked him off-balance with blatant want. Colin hasn’t sucked a lot of cock, even if he’s trying to convey that it’s not zero. He doesn’t make a ton of sense after several rounds of being passed back and forth for teasing. Stefon, therefore, coaches him patiently into how to do it the way Seth likes. Though Seth has to spank Stefon afterwards for the gratuitous “head writer” and “writer head” jokes. Colin watches, rapt.

At the last minute, Colin balks at the prospect of bottoming for either of them. He’s far too apologetic. Seth reassures him that it’s fine and Stefon volunteers to prep himself, instead.

“It’s greedy for you to get to touch yourself when you’ve already come down Colin’s sexy throat, Seth Meyers,” Stefon says, putting away the lube and pulling out the handcuffs. Stefon doesn’t turn the tables on Seth very often mid-scene, when it comes to power dynamics. Being mostly in charge of this threeway is getting tiring, though, and Seth realizes that handing the reins over completely will keep him from burning out. Stefon fastens Seth to the headboard of the bed and kisses him tenderly before pouncing on Colin again.

Colin offers to try fucking Stefon against the wall with his feet off the floor, but Stefon says he’s already hurt the back of one person here before and doesn’t want 2/2. They do it on the carpet instead, with Stefon occasionally giving Seth a wave without looking at him.

“I have rug burn!” Stefon cheers the moment he’s recovered from his orgasm. Colin, not yet recovered, lays down on the floor and seems disinclined to move. After being freed, Seth takes pillows and blankets to The Heap Formerly Known as Jost, and Stefon goes to get drinks for everyone.

“You need a fireplace,” Stefon says when they’re all in a cocooned heap on the floor. They’ve got Colin lying between them, marked up and drowsy. He keeps rubbing Seth’s inner elbow with his thumb.

“I’ve got a date tomorrow,” Colin says slowly.

“Maybe don’t let your date see you naked until you’re not covered in tooth prints.”

“She doesn’t have time for that. Just lunch. We’re not at the exclusive phase yet, but what if it ends up serious? That’s why I had to - I didn’t know when I might get another chance.” He sounds uncertain, maybe even guilty, and Seth can’t have that. He gives him a friendly squeeze.

Stefon pats Colin’s cheek. “Thank you for the chance, Fallen Toast.”

Colin laughs. “I’ll figure out something that rhymes with your name someday.”

 

11  
(non-sexual, non-body-fluid-involving) AGEPLAY

Seth has a hard limit against making this the slightest bit sexual. He doesn’t judge mutually consenting adults who find it sexy when it is _only_ between mutually consenting adults who are playing pretend, like the difference between furries and beastiality. But that’s very much not him, and the thought of trying it makes him feel sick.

Fortunately, for Stefon that was never the important part. For the first year of their marriage, when he’s had a very rough day/night/period of wakefulness, he might put on his llama pajama onesie and suck on the pacifier he’s kept as a souvenir from his more hardcore rave phase. If Seth isn’t around or isn’t in the right headspace, he’ll keep to himself and play with the stuffed animals or blocks that they keep hidden most of the time. If conditions are right, Seth lets him sit in his lap and cuddles him while reading Stefon one of Jimmy Fallon’s or John Oliver’s picture books. Or, when he’s tired of those, reading aloud the speech bubbles of not-too-violent comics in an enthusiastic dad voice and pointing at the panels.

This arrangement dies a natural death after they bring home their first Meyers baby, because anything reminiscent of children is fulfilling and rewarding, but stops being relaxing.

 

12  
A CLOSER LOOK

It’s not worth Seth’s career and reputation to sneak Stefon under his real desk at the studio. However, Seth likes to practice drafts of his monologues and A Closer Look at his desk at home. Stefon likes getting on his hands and knees and distracting him. He’s surprisingly good at giving audible, nonverbal feedback to Seth’s delivery while deepthroating.

This isn’t Stefon taking a turn as sub, even though at first it seems like it. If Seth messes up too many times, Stefon doesn’t let him finish. Articulation during the real thing is easy compared to that.

 

13  
TICKLING

During an interview, Craig Ferguson informs Seth that his attraction to Seth is such that his desire to “start a tickle fight and see where it leads” transcends Ferguson’s sexuality and happy marriage. The audience is delighted. Stefon is at work and Seth is asleep when the episode airs, but they watch it on DVR in the morning.

“Color for trying that right now?” Stefon asks immediately. Seth isn’t dressed yet, after all.

Seth raises his eyebrows. “I’ve got to go in less than an hour.”

“Color?” Stefon moves their plates farther down the coffee table, out of harm’s way.

“Gre - ahhhhhh, that’s cheating!”

 

14  
CONSENT PLAY

Seth has to call yellow minutes into the first time they try it, even though he’s the one who asked for it in the first place. Stefon stops undoing his belt, and Seth turns his head to look his husband in the eye. It’s strange seeing him dressed so plainly, with nondescript dark clothing and a far more still face. The problem is that Stefon’s being more convincing and menacing that Seth had quite bargained for, messing up the whole balance of scared vs. horny that he needs to maintain. He’s not going to be able to handle this maniac putting any fingers in him, let alone more, at this level of intensity. “It’s good, buddy, it really is, but...Could you be a little worse of an actor?”

Stefon still hasn’t moved the fake stage knife from Seth’s jugular, but Stefon’s voice is his real one, not the near-monotone growl he was using from the moment Stefon’s character grabbed him and roughly bent him over the counter. “I’ll be a violent killer but a bad actor, got it.”

 

15  
DEGRADATION

In the beginning, Seth was worried that this could be a sign of Stefon having low self-esteem, but really it’s that a part of Stefon revels in being considered utter trash compared to the miraculous man he somehow ended up with. A lowly human footstool at best. Seth gets into the rhythm of it eventually, and starts finding it hot when he can make Stefon crawl to him and lick his dress shoes, or when he can fuck Stefon without kissing him or touching him in any way other than using him as a convenient hole. _Did I say you could look up? Did I say you could make any noise? There’s got to be something you can do right._

During aftercare, Seth cuddles Stefon close and tells him that he’s wonderful, precious, amazing, the absolute best thing that’s ever happened to him. Stefon smirks and replies, “Yeah, I know.”

 

16  
VANILLA

The mattress dips as Stefon lies down and leans over to kiss Seth’s temple. “Sometime Stefon’s life gets too weird even for him, Seth Meyers. I want to make very boring, gentle love to you.”

Seth rolls over and smiles at him. It’s not the strangest way Stefon’s woken him after another night promoting and assistant-managing more clubs than Seth could ever keep track of. “Here I am.”

**Author's Note:**

> The thing with Paul Rudd is based on the broadcast of "Night of Too Many Stars" in which Stefon cozies up to Paul Rudd when he isn't by Seth's side. Also based on the multiple times Bill Hader and Paul Rudd have kissed for comedic purposes. 
> 
> Thank you for reading! Would love to hear your thoughts.


End file.
